"Reality is starting to set in"

   It's really not a secret that this has been a very tough year for me. My parents recently divorced and the business they owned together has been up and down and up again. So there is a lot of family issues that I've had to deal with on top of having clinical depression, which makes every situation more difficult for me to handle. When all of this was at its worst is when I finally made the choice to move, once and for all, out of Hays. I burnt a lot of bridges in a short amount of time and withdrew from any extra obligations I had, even if I used to love it very much. I did this to "protect" myself.
   I began going to counseling and reaching out to friends and family members. I was pleasantly surprised with amount of support that I received for just finally admitting that I needed help. Things have been slowly turning around for me. Although I still have bad days and I'm definitely not out of the woods yet, I'm optimistic. So recently, I began hanging out with a few of my friends much more regularly. It has been a beautiful reminder of how much fun I used to have with them and what great people they truly are. And now, since I left myself unprotected, I'm very sad to be leaving them.
   Quite a few of them are also moving on to different stages in their life but that doesn't really make me feel better. And yes, we have Facebook to keep track of one another. But what if we stop having conversations via phone/internet/carrier pigeon just because we don't need to talk to them to see what is going on in their life? "Ohh wow, So-and-so just got engaged!"-- Cool. I didn't learn this from them telling me but from noticing it pop up on my feed. This seems very depressing to me.
   I just got back from spending a very nice evening with a few of my friends. As the night came to an end, I realized I was stalling. I knew that when I walked out of that door, I wouldn't see a few of them for a very long time. I can no longer drive less than five minutes to see them or drop by unannounced. I got very teary eyed as I hugged each of them goodbye. I tried to memorize what their bodies felt like and wanted to say some profound, beautiful statement like they do in movies but it just seemed cheesy. There aren't any words that would have satisfied me. So I just looked around at each of them with sad puppy dog eyes and Mascot, noticing this said, "Reality is starting to set in, isn't it?"
  She was right. I've been living for the future. It's the only thing that was helping me get through it all. And now its here. And I'm scared.
 
Song of the day: Poker Face by Lady GaGa (because we played poker tonight and it is stuck in my head)