I haven't written in over a week. Well you know that. I don't need to point it out. The reason is only because nothing of interest really happened. Yes, I still don't have a job. No, I don't want to tell you what places I've applied or what places have already rejected me. No, I don't want your advice to find a job because chances are, I'm already doing it/have done it because even a monkey could realize that is an important step during a job search and the fact that you feel the need to suggest it drives me crazy because you must think I'm absolutely incompetent. :D
Don't worry I've been using my free time wisely. Yes, you can ask what I've been doing. I thought thoughts. A lot of them. And here are some of those things that went through my head:
"If the song is true that 'only the good die young', I've going to live for a very, very long time."
"In the 1950s everyone smoked cigarettes and had no idea how bad they were for you. Now we look back and say, 'How could you be so stupid? Of course that is gonna be harmful to your body! It's completely obvious to me because I've been taught that all my life and even though you didn't have the evidence/research/experience at the time, you should have realized how unhealthy that was.'
I have a feeling that is exactly what my grandchildren are going to say to me when I end up with cervical cancer from years of setting my laptop on my stomach while laying in bed. Actually, I probably won't even have grandchildren because I'll be completely barren from being too lazy to sit up while watching youtube videos for hours on end. Oh well. My grandkids sounded like complete assholes anyway."
"I shouldn't ask for any more cash. They are so generous and kind. Most likely they will give me more money than I ask for because they care about me. And there is a very high chance I'll just blow it on booze."
"When same sex couples get married in Kansas, are they actually married? Or did they just have a wedding? Are they married in other states if the wedding takes place in Kansas? Are they married in Kansas if the marriage takes place in a state that accepts it? Goddammit. The whole country better legalize it soon because its way too confusing."
"Do I need to capitalize the first letter of every word in the title? It looks stupid."
And that is what I do with my free time. Which is all my time. :)
Totally Fucked- Spring Awakening Enjoy.
Thursday, June 30
Wednesday, June 22
I don't look good on paper
Of all the jobs I've been offered in Manhattan, they all have one thing in common. I met the person in charge of hiring when I turned in the application. I don't get called for interviews if I merely turn in my application or resume. I realized this problem so I started to make an effort to call certain businesses to double check about the hiring process. Sometimes I'd even ask if I could talk to the manager when I handed in the application. But to no avail. (The people who hire are always conveniently busy or not there at the time. As if talking to one applicant for one minute would completely disrupt their day). My application, no matter how neatly I print, gets thrown by the wayside.
I've decided that I must not look good on paper. I only wish I knew what these people were looking for when they read applications.
If it is a retail position, they usually want at least one year of experience. I have 10 months. Are they not giving me the chance to prove my competency because I'm two months short of their preference? Customer service jobs usually want one to three years of experience. Honestly, all my jobs have been customer service in some sense. (telephone surveying, handing out tubes at a pool, front desk at a dorm) But maybe they are looking for key words like "Customer service rep" and are afraid to take ten extra seconds to consider the fact that every job I've had includes "serving the customer".
I'm sure my friends think I screwed myself because I did have a job but quit after one day of training. You're correct. I have no right to complain that I do not have a job now. I decided to hold out for a job that I was comfortable with rather than choosing to have a panic attack. And because I made that decision, I have to constantly deal with the rejection emails and confused employees.
If you have any words of wisdom about how to spice up my applications (without lying)- feel free to comment below. Encouragement is always greatly appreciated too. Just something to consider. But then again, these are just words on a page. Apparently, they never say enough.
I've decided that I must not look good on paper. I only wish I knew what these people were looking for when they read applications.
If it is a retail position, they usually want at least one year of experience. I have 10 months. Are they not giving me the chance to prove my competency because I'm two months short of their preference? Customer service jobs usually want one to three years of experience. Honestly, all my jobs have been customer service in some sense. (telephone surveying, handing out tubes at a pool, front desk at a dorm) But maybe they are looking for key words like "Customer service rep" and are afraid to take ten extra seconds to consider the fact that every job I've had includes "serving the customer".
I'm sure my friends think I screwed myself because I did have a job but quit after one day of training. You're correct. I have no right to complain that I do not have a job now. I decided to hold out for a job that I was comfortable with rather than choosing to have a panic attack. And because I made that decision, I have to constantly deal with the rejection emails and confused employees.
If you have any words of wisdom about how to spice up my applications (without lying)- feel free to comment below. Encouragement is always greatly appreciated too. Just something to consider. But then again, these are just words on a page. Apparently, they never say enough.
Wednesday, June 15
"3 ways to get a table full of drinking guys to hate you"
*This post is not for the easily offended. If you have never heard me rant or cuss before, I wouldn't suggest reading this as it may change your opinion of me...*
Last night, PeerPressure asked me if I'd like to go to a bar to eat dinner with him and some friends. Since I had gone out to this particular bar with him multiple times, I decided it might be fun. He picked me up and was already in a sour mood. PeerPressure had lost his wallet so he was worried that he wouldn't be able to get into any bars or pay for it once he got in there. It didn't bother me that he was angry, because believe me, when I lose my stuff, I'm absolutely livid. ("Like seriously, I just had my hairbrush in my hand and I haven't even left the room. Where the fuck is it?") But since the night got off to a rough start, I was not in the mood to humor all of his male friends when we arrived. That's when I learned:
Three Ways to Get a Table Full of Drinking Guys to Hate You
1. Dress like a girl who isn't out to get a cock in her mouth
This was clearly my first offense. I was literally the only female at a table of eight rowdy guys. (at first) And first impressions are the most important. So when I sat down wearing a black t-shirt, jeans, and flats and then took off my over-the-shoulder purse to neatly place it in my lap, they had already decided I wasn't worth any attention.
If you want drinking guys to like you (and I can't stress this enough) then dress in clothing that covers 30% of your body. The other 70% should be skin, cleavage, and make up. These are men we are dealing with, after all. Not 10-year-olds. The imagination and excitement of "not knowing what could be under there" died along with Santa Claus and all his shitty presents with price tags still on them.
2. Tell the one guy who isn't drinking that "It's OK"
"Dude, why aren't you drinking?"
"I don't feel like it tonight."
"What??!!?!??!?!"
shrug "I just don't feel like it." shrug shrug shrug
"Pussy!", "Hahaha, lame!" "Yea I didn't feel like it either once... when I was in Jr. High!"
Me, wanting to be supportive of people who make choices opposite of the norm, "Hey, its cool. Sometimes I don't feel like it either. Don't worry about it."
I think the music in the bar stopped playing like it does in the movies. And everyone rolled their eyes. And I didn't even get an affirmation from the guy I was trying to side with.
3. Help the drunk waitress who is trying to take care of the table
When I say drunk, I mean completely wasted. She even flat out told us because she kept making mistakes and everyone's reaction was a sarcastic, "Really?? You're drunk?? I had no idea!"This also led them to screw with her every time she brought a new item to the table.
"Who had the rum and coke?... No one?"
"I had a Dr. Pepper and whiskey."
"Ok, seriously someone ordered this."
"Is it a beer?"
"No, its just... its a rum and coke. I think it's yours."
"I wanted a sprite and vodka. Whatever, I'll just take it anyway. heh heh"
She was a very pretty girl too so the guys took it upon themselves to try to get away with as many sexual comments as possible. For example, when she couldn't even repeat what food they just ordered, they would tell her to take off her shirt. (Extremely sneaky and clever) To which, she would giggle and squeal, "Guuuuuuys. Stop making this so hard on me. Tehee. I'm too drunk."
Eventually, I got sick of hearing them talk to her this way. I know what its like to be drunk and not taken seriously. And just because she was super hot, was no reason to take advantage of the situation. We asked her to bring the checks and since it took her fifteen minutes to realize she didn't know what any of us got, they started getting a little peeved with her. The harassing went from light hearted fun to 'It's fun to fuck with her'.
I made her come over to me so I could tell her what everyone had ordered. I tried to be very discreet. Not pointing, just like mom always taught me. I would quietly say, "Ok, this guy beside me got a cheeseburger and a big boy." She wrote it down. I looked over at her paper and couldn't read a damn word. I hoped it was just waitress code and that she could at least read it herself when she went back to the register. Soon enough, some of the guys caught on.
"This guy, got eight wings, a corn dog, and a big boy."
"Nu-uh. Don't write that down. He got the drink, not me."
"Yea, and I'm paying for him!"
"I didn't order a cheeseburger. It was...."
I asked her to focus. "I'm telling you the truth." She thanked me as she walked away. It felt good to be able to help a fellow girl in need. It happens to us all at one point or another. I just hope that the next time I'm drunk, someone will take me under their wing to hide from douchey guys.
After she left to put our orders in the computer (mostly incorrect, by the way), I was no longer "PeerPressure's friend". I was "that stupid chick that PeerPressure brought along to be a killjoy" followed by "what was he thinking?". And even though I told her every single thing my friend ordered, he only had to pay $6 for two drinks and two hot dogs.
I like to think that the virtually free hot dogs was karma. I had spent an hour and a half with these guys. I interfered with their "good time" by just being me. And it was a thank you from the universe, rather than a hammered waitress' inability to see her own mistake.
Last night, PeerPressure asked me if I'd like to go to a bar to eat dinner with him and some friends. Since I had gone out to this particular bar with him multiple times, I decided it might be fun. He picked me up and was already in a sour mood. PeerPressure had lost his wallet so he was worried that he wouldn't be able to get into any bars or pay for it once he got in there. It didn't bother me that he was angry, because believe me, when I lose my stuff, I'm absolutely livid. ("Like seriously, I just had my hairbrush in my hand and I haven't even left the room. Where the fuck is it?") But since the night got off to a rough start, I was not in the mood to humor all of his male friends when we arrived. That's when I learned:
Three Ways to Get a Table Full of Drinking Guys to Hate You
1. Dress like a girl who isn't out to get a cock in her mouth
This was clearly my first offense. I was literally the only female at a table of eight rowdy guys. (at first) And first impressions are the most important. So when I sat down wearing a black t-shirt, jeans, and flats and then took off my over-the-shoulder purse to neatly place it in my lap, they had already decided I wasn't worth any attention.
If you want drinking guys to like you (and I can't stress this enough) then dress in clothing that covers 30% of your body. The other 70% should be skin, cleavage, and make up. These are men we are dealing with, after all. Not 10-year-olds. The imagination and excitement of "not knowing what could be under there" died along with Santa Claus and all his shitty presents with price tags still on them.
2. Tell the one guy who isn't drinking that "It's OK"
"Dude, why aren't you drinking?"
"I don't feel like it tonight."
"What??!!?!??!?!"
shrug "I just don't feel like it." shrug shrug shrug
"Pussy!", "Hahaha, lame!" "Yea I didn't feel like it either once... when I was in Jr. High!"
Me, wanting to be supportive of people who make choices opposite of the norm, "Hey, its cool. Sometimes I don't feel like it either. Don't worry about it."
I think the music in the bar stopped playing like it does in the movies. And everyone rolled their eyes. And I didn't even get an affirmation from the guy I was trying to side with.
3. Help the drunk waitress who is trying to take care of the table
When I say drunk, I mean completely wasted. She even flat out told us because she kept making mistakes and everyone's reaction was a sarcastic, "Really?? You're drunk?? I had no idea!"This also led them to screw with her every time she brought a new item to the table.
"Who had the rum and coke?... No one?"
"I had a Dr. Pepper and whiskey."
"Ok, seriously someone ordered this."
"Is it a beer?"
"No, its just... its a rum and coke. I think it's yours."
"I wanted a sprite and vodka. Whatever, I'll just take it anyway. heh heh"
She was a very pretty girl too so the guys took it upon themselves to try to get away with as many sexual comments as possible. For example, when she couldn't even repeat what food they just ordered, they would tell her to take off her shirt. (Extremely sneaky and clever) To which, she would giggle and squeal, "Guuuuuuys. Stop making this so hard on me. Tehee. I'm too drunk."
Eventually, I got sick of hearing them talk to her this way. I know what its like to be drunk and not taken seriously. And just because she was super hot, was no reason to take advantage of the situation. We asked her to bring the checks and since it took her fifteen minutes to realize she didn't know what any of us got, they started getting a little peeved with her. The harassing went from light hearted fun to 'It's fun to fuck with her'.
I made her come over to me so I could tell her what everyone had ordered. I tried to be very discreet. Not pointing, just like mom always taught me. I would quietly say, "Ok, this guy beside me got a cheeseburger and a big boy." She wrote it down. I looked over at her paper and couldn't read a damn word. I hoped it was just waitress code and that she could at least read it herself when she went back to the register. Soon enough, some of the guys caught on.
"This guy, got eight wings, a corn dog, and a big boy."
"Nu-uh. Don't write that down. He got the drink, not me."
"Yea, and I'm paying for him!"
"I didn't order a cheeseburger. It was...."
I asked her to focus. "I'm telling you the truth." She thanked me as she walked away. It felt good to be able to help a fellow girl in need. It happens to us all at one point or another. I just hope that the next time I'm drunk, someone will take me under their wing to hide from douchey guys.
After she left to put our orders in the computer (mostly incorrect, by the way), I was no longer "PeerPressure's friend". I was "that stupid chick that PeerPressure brought along to be a killjoy" followed by "what was he thinking?". And even though I told her every single thing my friend ordered, he only had to pay $6 for two drinks and two hot dogs.
I like to think that the virtually free hot dogs was karma. I had spent an hour and a half with these guys. I interfered with their "good time" by just being me. And it was a thank you from the universe, rather than a hammered waitress' inability to see her own mistake.
Monday, June 13
Kickin' it Old School
The Techie came to visit last week and it was so much fun. We decided to listen to 90's songs that were one hit wonders. And I would love to share those with you now. But you have to promise that when you listen to them, you try to sing along. It will be shocking how much you can recall. Or in this case, it was very shocking to me how many very girl songs The Techie could recall.
Dream He Loves Me, He Loves You Not
O Town All or Nothing
On a another note, I also went to my hometown to be with some amazing friends this weekend. BoyCrazy, MommaJ, and Miss Blunt were all in town and we had a very memorable night. We went to a bar in "college" town near us. The town doesn't have the best reputation and after going to their bar, I could see why. All the girls were stuck in the late 90's when it came to hairstyles, clothing, and penciled-in eyebrows... and apparently, guys didn't even need to dress up to impress anyone. The bartender was really sweet though, so props to her. Afterwards, we decided to go for a swim in an apartment complex's swimming pool and hot tub. And it rained almost the whole time. When the lightening and thunder were barely a second apart, I got out for a little bit because I was afraid to be struck by lightening. (I follow the old wives tale that if you count the seconds in between lightening and thunder, it will determine how many miles away the storm is)
Anyway, I had a fantastic time and am now back in Manhattan. PS. If four half naked girls are ever begging for towels at 3 in the morning, don't be a douchebag. Give them towels. Common courtesy.
Dream He Loves Me, He Loves You Not
O Town All or Nothing
On a another note, I also went to my hometown to be with some amazing friends this weekend. BoyCrazy, MommaJ, and Miss Blunt were all in town and we had a very memorable night. We went to a bar in "college" town near us. The town doesn't have the best reputation and after going to their bar, I could see why. All the girls were stuck in the late 90's when it came to hairstyles, clothing, and penciled-in eyebrows... and apparently, guys didn't even need to dress up to impress anyone. The bartender was really sweet though, so props to her. Afterwards, we decided to go for a swim in an apartment complex's swimming pool and hot tub. And it rained almost the whole time. When the lightening and thunder were barely a second apart, I got out for a little bit because I was afraid to be struck by lightening. (I follow the old wives tale that if you count the seconds in between lightening and thunder, it will determine how many miles away the storm is)
Anyway, I had a fantastic time and am now back in Manhattan. PS. If four half naked girls are ever begging for towels at 3 in the morning, don't be a douchebag. Give them towels. Common courtesy.
As Nard says, this photo was taken with "Drunk Vision" but my camera is kind of crappy anyway
Friday, June 10
Stress Rash
I've never wanted to be a waitress. I knew without even trying that it is a difficult job and the second most underpaid position available. (Teaching being the first) Ever since I started getting jobs, I promised myself I would never even apply to be a waitress. I've worked at a swimming pool, doling out tubes for the lazy river 'n such. I've cleaned the house of a completely anal woman who didn't really even need me to clean it because it was never dirty in the first place. I've done homework while sitting at the front desk of dorms and answering questions every hour or so. Lastly, I've worked in a clothing store where I helped women pick out the specific shade of white that would go perfect with their black slacks. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of not ever being a waitress.
Then I moved to Manhattan. And even though I had been offered a couple positions, the only one that was truly promising was a waitressing job in a hotel. The people were incredibly nice and I knew that I would fit in with their personalities. I also thought, "Well, hotel food is usually more expensive than most restaurants. So that will probably mean a high quality of people and bigger tips." And after borrowing over $500 from a number of relatives, I decided that I really needed a job, no matter what it was.
I only made it through half a days worth of training. The girl who trained me had been a waitress for over five years and it showed. She had the rhythm down. I think it had become like a math problem for her. She just followed the formula without even thinking and even though the numbers were different for each problem, the outcome would always be correct. She was also incredibly smart and kind about what to teach me. If you've ever "shadowed" someone at a job, you know how awkward it is. You are essentially two steps behind them while they try to do everything like they normally would. Except that they have to keep doing three point turns because you are always inadvertently in their way. I imagine its a lot like having a four year old child who won't leave you the heck alone, but they don't know any better so you can't get mad at them when they spill coke on a table or forget where to put the dirty napkins.
After an hour of this, my breathing got heavy and I couldn't calm it down. I didn't have time to! I couldn't ask for a five minute break only an hour into training. There was so much information coming at me in all directions. I didn't have a chance to process what I had just learned before a new situation came up. The only tasks I could hold on to were the ones we performed about 10 times. And even then I'd be worried I was doing it wrong. "How much ice do I put in the cup?" "Like this?" "I don't even remember what table wanted this."
When I saw the guy who hired me, I pulled him aside and explained that I was in way over my head. He spent an hour helping me fill out paperwork and then showing me around the hotel, only for me to quit three hours into my training. I felt like a complete jerk. He took me out back to get some air and give me a pep talk. I fought back tears and eventually got light headed, then dizzy, then couldn't focus at all because I hadn't been breathing naturally since the conversation started.
"I just want you to challenge yourself."
But I already feel like I challenge myself everyday in so many ways... quitting during my first day on the job is just about biggest challenge I've ever had.
Now you're all probably wondering what job I am going to get. I'm already indebted to many friends and family members. I've been willingly accepting free food/drinks from anyone who offers (which I absolutely never do, so you can tell how desperate I am). I'm only planning to live in Manhattan for at least two months. I will not get a job. Do not mistake that sentence as me having a negative attitude. I am consciously deciding to not look for a job this summer and to graciously accept any help that my support system is willing to give me. When I made this decision, I broke out in a stress rash all over my arms, ears, face, and neck but this way, unlike last summer, I won't feel guilty the whole time (just itchy). I'm saying right now: "I do not have a job. I will not look for a job. This does not make me lazy or dumb. It makes me a freeloader. It also makes me a free spirit for two months."
I plan to use this time to focus on my mental health and to have a good time. Be jealous.
Then I moved to Manhattan. And even though I had been offered a couple positions, the only one that was truly promising was a waitressing job in a hotel. The people were incredibly nice and I knew that I would fit in with their personalities. I also thought, "Well, hotel food is usually more expensive than most restaurants. So that will probably mean a high quality of people and bigger tips." And after borrowing over $500 from a number of relatives, I decided that I really needed a job, no matter what it was.
I only made it through half a days worth of training. The girl who trained me had been a waitress for over five years and it showed. She had the rhythm down. I think it had become like a math problem for her. She just followed the formula without even thinking and even though the numbers were different for each problem, the outcome would always be correct. She was also incredibly smart and kind about what to teach me. If you've ever "shadowed" someone at a job, you know how awkward it is. You are essentially two steps behind them while they try to do everything like they normally would. Except that they have to keep doing three point turns because you are always inadvertently in their way. I imagine its a lot like having a four year old child who won't leave you the heck alone, but they don't know any better so you can't get mad at them when they spill coke on a table or forget where to put the dirty napkins.
After an hour of this, my breathing got heavy and I couldn't calm it down. I didn't have time to! I couldn't ask for a five minute break only an hour into training. There was so much information coming at me in all directions. I didn't have a chance to process what I had just learned before a new situation came up. The only tasks I could hold on to were the ones we performed about 10 times. And even then I'd be worried I was doing it wrong. "How much ice do I put in the cup?" "Like this?" "I don't even remember what table wanted this."
When I saw the guy who hired me, I pulled him aside and explained that I was in way over my head. He spent an hour helping me fill out paperwork and then showing me around the hotel, only for me to quit three hours into my training. I felt like a complete jerk. He took me out back to get some air and give me a pep talk. I fought back tears and eventually got light headed, then dizzy, then couldn't focus at all because I hadn't been breathing naturally since the conversation started.
"I just want you to challenge yourself."
But I already feel like I challenge myself everyday in so many ways... quitting during my first day on the job is just about biggest challenge I've ever had.
Now you're all probably wondering what job I am going to get. I'm already indebted to many friends and family members. I've been willingly accepting free food/drinks from anyone who offers (which I absolutely never do, so you can tell how desperate I am). I'm only planning to live in Manhattan for at least two months. I will not get a job. Do not mistake that sentence as me having a negative attitude. I am consciously deciding to not look for a job this summer and to graciously accept any help that my support system is willing to give me. When I made this decision, I broke out in a stress rash all over my arms, ears, face, and neck but this way, unlike last summer, I won't feel guilty the whole time (just itchy). I'm saying right now: "I do not have a job. I will not look for a job. This does not make me lazy or dumb. It makes me a freeloader. It also makes me a free spirit for two months."
I plan to use this time to focus on my mental health and to have a good time. Be jealous.
Wednesday, June 8
"Shut up. It's my birthday."
Thursday evening. June 2nd. BoyCrazy and I headed to our hometown to prepare for the ultimate 21st birthday weekend. We had packed our suitcases and double checked ourselves while driving out of Manhattan.
"Swimming suit?"
"Check."
"I.D.?"
"Check."
"Phone charger?"
"Oh crap..."
"It's OK we have the same kind and I brought mine."
And on and on... it wasn't until the next morning when I went to get dressed that I realized I had completely forgotten my outfit for the day. I was so crafty to have hung it on the back of my door so I "wouldn't forget". Which instead I overlooked. What backwards logic. I went into my mom's room to tell her of my birthday dress dilemma and she suggested we head up to Topeka to get a new one. Luckily, I found the exact same dress and just bought that. (I'll take back the un-worn one later). But since we already up in Topeka, we decided to eat my 2nd favorite cheese dip at Casa. And that is where I consumed my first alcoholic beverage as a 21-year-old American. Lime daiquiri. Yum. And when I showed the waitress my ID, (which btw, she didn't even ask for, I just volunteered it willingly) she noticed it was my birthday and brought me fried ice cream on the house. Then sang to me. Which is always slightly awkward. But appreciated.
When Nard showed up after his 6 hour driving trip that actually took 7 and a half hours, we headed up to KC. Checking in to the hotel was relatively painless though we kept pointing out things that were wrong with the place so I was worried that my friends weren't going to have fun. {Side note: the hotel didn't give us a shower curtain and even after we complained, we never got one.} But they kept reassuring me that it was just fine so we got in the car and headed for the Power and Light district (aka the only cool place to party in Kansas City.)
Now as I have stated before, I do not like to drive. I also do not like to be in cars when I'm not driving. This is especially true when the car is in a city headed in an unknown direction. A lot of people complain about GPS systems because they aren't specific enough,
"Turn right here."
"What? There isn't a road here!... I guess it means a little further down... I'll just go straight and then-"
"Re-routing."
"NO! Same direction!"
"Make a legal U turn when possible."
"Ok fine, making U turn... which means I'll be turning left about....there. I would guess."
"Turn right here."
"That doesn't make any sense! Why are you taking me on a completely new route? I made a U turn like you said!"
"You're fucking screwed."
"If I can just get to the same direction I was going then maybe-"
"Ha. Ha. Good luck, dumbass. Learn to read a map next time."
But I have complete faith in the these devices. So my mom and Nard both had on their GPS which is located in their phone, which have the same voice, which is CONFUSING. I don't even know why I sat in front. Their phones knew there was construction, but we didn't and almost ran into road blocks. Then when we finally got to the right area, we drove around for ten minutes looking for a parking garage. While we sat a stoplight, I tried to signal to the taxi driver who was reading her book to roll down her window to ask for directions because if she can enjoy a nice novel behind the wheel at 7 PM on a Friday, she probably knows what she's doing. But the whole car said to stop trying to get her attention so I eventually just put my hand over my face and focused on even breathing. {And by the way, the taxi driver ended up cutting us off which probably wouldn't have happened if I had been allowed to get chummy with her.} Even after we had parked and started walking toward the restaurant, I was still seething but trying not to bite any one's head off.
Got to the grill. Sat down. The waiter looked at me first and asked what I would like to drink. Without hesitation, but with great exasperation, I said, "Rum and coke." He didn't even card me and even though I look like I'm sixteen, I took it as a compliment rather than accepting his apathy.
The rest of the night was filled with every kind of music imaginable. If you haven't been to Howl at the Moon in Kansas City, then go do it. Right now. Go. It was incredible. Seven or so musicians rotated on multiple instruments to bring the audience a continuous concert by our own request. They played everything from "Piano Man" by Billy Joel, "Bottoms Up" by Trey Songz ft. Nicki Minaj (and yes, a girl did rap her part- flawlessly I may add), or even that one song that gives a big "hell yea" to all the redneck girls... "HELL YEA!"
I think all of my guests had a good time. My mom was hit on by a lesbian and a twenty-something year old man. She turned both of them down. But at least she is aware that she has options. BoyCrazy stole a pianist cowboy hat and after he told her than she owed him a blow job for it, she just said, "In your dreams," and walked off stage. Then later, another bartender kept bringing her free drinks. That's my BoyCrazy. :) I spent the night drooling over one specific pianist that when introduced to, put me in a drunken state of confusion.
"Devin??" I asked to be sure if I heard him correctly.
"No. With a K!" he answered.
The conversation was awkward and even though I still didn't understand it, I just nodded and smiled for the picture. All the while I was thinking, "Devin with a K? Is his name DeKin? What a weird name." It wasn't until he left the table that Mascot pointed out his name was "KEVIN". I'm an idiot. Or maybe just drunk. Or maybe a little bit of both.
I'm not sure if this is a KC thing or what, but every trip to the bathroom was very interesting. A woman would turn on the water for me, hand me paper towels, and then open the door so I could walk out. Very strange. But I didn't have any cash to tip her. There was also a number of assorted hair products and lotions but I never used them because I am not that hard up for toiletries when I go to bars. Nard said there was a man in his bathroom doing the same thing but also tried to figure out if Nard was gay because, "That would be weird, man!" Nard eventually tipped him because he felt bad and because he makes a lot of money. Has anyone else had this kind of service at a bar before?
None of us were too hungover to enjoy the next day at my aunt and uncle's quarry. I was so lucky to be surrounded by my closest friends and family for a good way to start the summer. We swam (while drinking since I'm old enough now hehe), used the paddle boat, went down the water slide, hung out with horses, and just enjoyed the general merriment of the outdoors. My family made wonderful fried fish (a must-have at least once a summer), potato salad that could be a food group all its own and an endless supply of frozen strawberry daiquiris. Thanks dad!
My birthday weekend was an absolute success. I want to thank every single person who was there because it truly meant the world to me. I don't remember a time that I have ever felt so special and loved. I only hope that one day, I can help make you feel the same.
Song of the day- "In da club" by 50 Cent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7TTTRMCsJY
{They made the birthday girls/boys go up on stage while they did this song at the bar}
"Go Shawty, it's your birthday. We gonna party like it's your birthday. We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday. You know that we don't give a fuck cuz that's your birthday!"
"Swimming suit?"
"Check."
"I.D.?"
"Check."
"Phone charger?"
"Oh crap..."
"It's OK we have the same kind and I brought mine."
And on and on... it wasn't until the next morning when I went to get dressed that I realized I had completely forgotten my outfit for the day. I was so crafty to have hung it on the back of my door so I "wouldn't forget". Which instead I overlooked. What backwards logic. I went into my mom's room to tell her of my birthday dress dilemma and she suggested we head up to Topeka to get a new one. Luckily, I found the exact same dress and just bought that. (I'll take back the un-worn one later). But since we already up in Topeka, we decided to eat my 2nd favorite cheese dip at Casa. And that is where I consumed my first alcoholic beverage as a 21-year-old American. Lime daiquiri. Yum. And when I showed the waitress my ID, (which btw, she didn't even ask for, I just volunteered it willingly) she noticed it was my birthday and brought me fried ice cream on the house. Then sang to me. Which is always slightly awkward. But appreciated.
When Nard showed up after his 6 hour driving trip that actually took 7 and a half hours, we headed up to KC. Checking in to the hotel was relatively painless though we kept pointing out things that were wrong with the place so I was worried that my friends weren't going to have fun. {Side note: the hotel didn't give us a shower curtain and even after we complained, we never got one.} But they kept reassuring me that it was just fine so we got in the car and headed for the Power and Light district (aka the only cool place to party in Kansas City.)
Now as I have stated before, I do not like to drive. I also do not like to be in cars when I'm not driving. This is especially true when the car is in a city headed in an unknown direction. A lot of people complain about GPS systems because they aren't specific enough,
"Turn right here."
"What? There isn't a road here!... I guess it means a little further down... I'll just go straight and then-"
"Re-routing."
"NO! Same direction!"
"Make a legal U turn when possible."
"Ok fine, making U turn... which means I'll be turning left about....there. I would guess."
"Turn right here."
"That doesn't make any sense! Why are you taking me on a completely new route? I made a U turn like you said!"
"You're fucking screwed."
"If I can just get to the same direction I was going then maybe-"
"Ha. Ha. Good luck, dumbass. Learn to read a map next time."
But I have complete faith in the these devices. So my mom and Nard both had on their GPS which is located in their phone, which have the same voice, which is CONFUSING. I don't even know why I sat in front. Their phones knew there was construction, but we didn't and almost ran into road blocks. Then when we finally got to the right area, we drove around for ten minutes looking for a parking garage. While we sat a stoplight, I tried to signal to the taxi driver who was reading her book to roll down her window to ask for directions because if she can enjoy a nice novel behind the wheel at 7 PM on a Friday, she probably knows what she's doing. But the whole car said to stop trying to get her attention so I eventually just put my hand over my face and focused on even breathing. {And by the way, the taxi driver ended up cutting us off which probably wouldn't have happened if I had been allowed to get chummy with her.} Even after we had parked and started walking toward the restaurant, I was still seething but trying not to bite any one's head off.
Got to the grill. Sat down. The waiter looked at me first and asked what I would like to drink. Without hesitation, but with great exasperation, I said, "Rum and coke." He didn't even card me and even though I look like I'm sixteen, I took it as a compliment rather than accepting his apathy.
The rest of the night was filled with every kind of music imaginable. If you haven't been to Howl at the Moon in Kansas City, then go do it. Right now. Go. It was incredible. Seven or so musicians rotated on multiple instruments to bring the audience a continuous concert by our own request. They played everything from "Piano Man" by Billy Joel, "Bottoms Up" by Trey Songz ft. Nicki Minaj (and yes, a girl did rap her part- flawlessly I may add), or even that one song that gives a big "hell yea" to all the redneck girls... "HELL YEA!"
I think all of my guests had a good time. My mom was hit on by a lesbian and a twenty-something year old man. She turned both of them down. But at least she is aware that she has options. BoyCrazy stole a pianist cowboy hat and after he told her than she owed him a blow job for it, she just said, "In your dreams," and walked off stage. Then later, another bartender kept bringing her free drinks. That's my BoyCrazy. :) I spent the night drooling over one specific pianist that when introduced to, put me in a drunken state of confusion.
"Devin??" I asked to be sure if I heard him correctly.
"No. With a K!" he answered.
The conversation was awkward and even though I still didn't understand it, I just nodded and smiled for the picture. All the while I was thinking, "Devin with a K? Is his name DeKin? What a weird name." It wasn't until he left the table that Mascot pointed out his name was "KEVIN". I'm an idiot. Or maybe just drunk. Or maybe a little bit of both.
I'm not sure if this is a KC thing or what, but every trip to the bathroom was very interesting. A woman would turn on the water for me, hand me paper towels, and then open the door so I could walk out. Very strange. But I didn't have any cash to tip her. There was also a number of assorted hair products and lotions but I never used them because I am not that hard up for toiletries when I go to bars. Nard said there was a man in his bathroom doing the same thing but also tried to figure out if Nard was gay because, "That would be weird, man!" Nard eventually tipped him because he felt bad and because he makes a lot of money. Has anyone else had this kind of service at a bar before?
None of us were too hungover to enjoy the next day at my aunt and uncle's quarry. I was so lucky to be surrounded by my closest friends and family for a good way to start the summer. We swam (while drinking since I'm old enough now hehe), used the paddle boat, went down the water slide, hung out with horses, and just enjoyed the general merriment of the outdoors. My family made wonderful fried fish (a must-have at least once a summer), potato salad that could be a food group all its own and an endless supply of frozen strawberry daiquiris. Thanks dad!
My birthday weekend was an absolute success. I want to thank every single person who was there because it truly meant the world to me. I don't remember a time that I have ever felt so special and loved. I only hope that one day, I can help make you feel the same.
Song of the day- "In da club" by 50 Cent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7TTTRMCsJY
{They made the birthday girls/boys go up on stage while they did this song at the bar}
"Go Shawty, it's your birthday. We gonna party like it's your birthday. We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday. You know that we don't give a fuck cuz that's your birthday!"
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